A cure for wedding day blues

ACCORDING to a recent survey one in four married people had their wedding spoiled by family disagreements and fights.

I woke up bleary-eyed one morning to turn on the news and the item was getting a lot of coverage - mostly because the statistic was seen as surprisingly high.

To be honest, I was surprised it was so low.

We've all heard of wedding day dust-ups haven't we? There's a certain logic to it - you put people in an emotionally charged environment like a wedding, ply them with alcohol and lo and behold, family arguments which have been bubbling for years come to the surface in a fit of drunken pique.

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Maybe wedding day fights should be seen as one of those things which tends to happen on the big day. To be added to that list which includes young children sliding across the dancefloor on their knees at the reception (copyright Peter Kay) and uncles dancing in an embarrassing fashion.

Heck, it could even be a British wedding tradition. They have plate smashing in Greece and toast things with Guinness in Ireland - it would be oddly (and depressingly) fitting if the Brits celebrated with a brawl.

What I'm getting at is, if we know things might kick off anyway, why not make some use of it and conduct the fight in a controlled environment?

Think about it. It could become a high point in the day - like cutting the cake or the best man's speech. It would be the perfect way to settle those disputes a lot of families seem to have. 'At 3pm the wedding party will meet on the lawn to see Uncle Frank box Uncle Bob over the matter of stealing Aunt Cynthia 20 years ago.'

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See? Practical, entertaining and above all doesn't throw the bride's big day into chaos. It'd be like one huge family therapy session, laying any old problems to rest once and for all.

Maybe when sending their RSVP's guests could 'call out' opponents and throw their hat into the ring to provide the post-wedding breakfast entertainment? 'Bride's brother challenges the groom's nephew to a duel over the matter of his recently written off car. Pistols the weapon of choice.'

I'm not saying we want to see wedding day fisticuffs, but if it's going to happen anyway ...

Certainly be a talking point wouldn't it? Weddings would no longer merge into one in your memory. "Do you remember Dave and Laura's wedding?" "Yup, cousin Gerald got a submission from Dad after putting him in a headlock in the car park."

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I know, I know, I'm flogging this. And I do have the greatest of sympathy for anyone who has their wedding ruined by people who forget why they are actually there. The statistics just don't surprise me that's all.

I guess I'm pretty lucky that, despite having a large family, they all get on pretty well. Sure, one or two of them may not see eye to eye, but I would trust them to behave themselves if and when I ever get married.

Doesn't mean I would be shocked if a fight broke out though.

I just hope I wouldn't end up getting divorced for betting on the combatants.

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