The Silly Season

IT'S NEARLY that time of year again, that 'good will to all men' time of year, the 'season to be jolly', more commonly referred to nowadays as the 'silly season'- the season when all reasoning and rationale fly out the window.

For example 'good will to ALL men?'

Whose idea was that? Because - shattering the illusion for a minute - I got to wondering, does that include terrorists, murderers, paedophiles, rapists etc., or shouldn't we be a bit more selective nowadays?

And everybody you talk to is full of the doldrums about the state of the economy, worrying about their jobs, mortgages etc., asking not only where its all going to end but looking for someone to blame, be it the Americans, Gordon Brown, or the banks.

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Actually I blame one man in particular for stirring up a lot of the financial crisis and unrest and his name - best known by a little five letter word '“ is non other than that man Santa.

Yes indeed, I believe he leads us all '“ not just children - to go a bit do-lally right about now.

For starters, Christmas is the only time of year when everything you've told your children about strangers' is forgotten as you basically say it's OK for them to visit a white bearded man dressed in red '“ who has plonked himself, and his merry band of elfin folk in their 'grottos'.

Grottos, which have magically appeared in various shopping malls around the country, enticing your little ones to sit on Santa's knee, make their Christmas gift demands - you know, things like an ipod, laptop computer, 200 designer trainers, skiing holiday, pony, flat screen TV, sports car etc., subsequently expecting him to come up with the goods, hand delivered in person to your house on Christmas eve, having apparently slithered down your chimney....whether you've got one or not.

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Once there, after dropping off all that's been requested, he will eat and drink his fill, and then scuttle away to do the same thing next door.

And of course kids of today don't understand words like 'recession', because the way they see it they've been 'good' all year (well, that's to say their interpretation of the word) so, as they've technically kept their part of the bargain, then it's up to Santa to deliver right?

I actually blame this greatest of all the superheroes, this jovial man who goes around 'ho, ho ho-ing' all over the place, for leading the children, and adults, astray.

If it wasn't for him making false promises in his grotto, then the pressure wouldn't be on the parents to provide everything their children's heart desires on the 25th day of December.

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Because this pressure, for many, will of course lead us to take our little plastic 'friend' out of our purses/wallets so they can 'magically' provide all the tosh the kids ask for, because we wouldn't want to appear mean spirited/a bad parent etc.

Trouble is the 'magic' soon wears off come January once the credit card bills arrive.

It can be frightening, because by the time you've added a few hundred or more to your credit cards for presents, then paid for the food and drink, then added the interest, you'll probably find yourself in a similar situation to the rest of us '“ still paying for this Christmas by the time the next one comes around '“ it's a vicious circle and we all want it to stop so we can get off the merry-go-round and start anew with a clean slate.

Believe it or not this merry man, who goes by the name of Santa Claus, has been around for the best part of the past four hundred years and is supposed to be a symbolic personification of Christmas.

Bah humbug is all I can say to that!

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He's had a good run so surely he's now well past his sell by date wouldn't you say?

In fact I think 'Santa' should be banned, relegated, along with the Ghost of Christmas past to some distant Dickensian era.

Or, maybe we should seek him out in person, make him account for his actions and banish him to a grotto far far away.

Apparently he lives in Lapland, with a bunch of talking reindeer tethered to his gate post, to so he shouldn't be too hard to find.....

Little known facts about Santa Claus:

What does Mrs Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?

Freeze a jolly good fellow

Where does Santa stay when he goes on holiday?

In a Ho-ho-tell.

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What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?

A rebel without a Claus.

When not making toys why does Santa like to work in his garden?

Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

What's the official name for Santa when he has no money?

Saint Nickel-less.

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