Sussex columnist: Why I needed a break from saying no to my children

​When we were on our holidays my children were mostly occupied, so child-parent relations were pretty good.

That’s not to say there wasn’t an undercurrent of low-level sibling bickering at times, because my children are just that, children. They’re very normal in their rivalry and ability to wind each other up just for the sheer fun of it.

There were definitely times when we had to keep them in check, but generally, all was pretty harmonious.

It was when we had time at home, and did low-key things more locally, that I noticed something that came to be quite worrying and pretty exhausting.

That is that my ability to say no knows no bounds.

I must have had to say it at least 15-billion times each day. Because it is a well-known law of children that when they are not being occupied 100 per cent of the time they are ‘bored’.

And when they’re ‘bored’, they will ask for things. Lots of things.

“Can I have a snack?” asks one of the H-M youngsters.

“But it’s only 8am and you just had two bowls of cereal”, I wearily replied.

“What about a pudding?” improvised my son.

“No!” I said. (Although the thought of breakfast pudding wasn’t altogether unappealing...)

And so many a day went on in this vein.

“Can you buy me some Robux?”, asked my daughter. (For the uninitiated – lucky you – Robux is a type of currency you can use in a game called Roblox).

"No, because you had a voucher for Robux last week and we explained that it was the only one.”

And half-an-hour later, while watching an advert for some kind of toy on the TV: “Oh, oh, please can you buy us these, Mummy? We’ll play with them all the time.”

"If ‘play with them all the time’ means use them once then discard them on the floor, never to be played with again, like the toy graveyard that is our lounge, then the answer is a big, fat ‘no’.”

Going out and about is even worse. The opportunities to ask for things when you’re somewhere in town are endless.

"Can I have this?” asks my son in a shop.

"What is it?” I query.

"I don’t know” admits my son.

"That’s probably a no then” is my obvious response.

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Even a quick trip to the park can force you to put your foot down and utter another ‘no’ – the second that ice cream van pulls up (and you know it will), you’ll either have to shell out quadruple the price for ice creams that you probably already have in your freezer, or break the hearts of your children and tell them no. Again.

I probably sound ridiculously mean, but my children had plenty of frozen treats in their six weeks off.

In fact, due to all the trips away and days out they were probably made up of about 90 per cent ice cream by the end of the summer.

I should be used to saying no. As the parent who is around most often, they’re pretty used to me not saying yes to everything they ask for. It’s always hard not to give them what they want, but that’s amplified by about a hundred when they’re off school for so long and spending so much time with you.

It becomes completely exhausting having to constantly crush their dreams. Even my husband, who you’ll know if you read my previous column about trying to be fun for my kids is considered the ‘fun parent’ by them, found himself worn down by the no-battle.

If you’ve ever seen the episode of Bluey where Bingo has a yes/no machine, we joked we needed one that just played no on repeat, to save us a job.

To make it all bearable, I just had to keep reminding myself that telling them no is actually good for them. Deep down, I know that saying yes to everything they want is not going to make them better people. Doesn’t always make it easy, but it helps to know I’m, hopefully, raising more understanding and well-rounded humans in the process.

But there is one good thing about saying no a lot. It’s that when you do take them by surprise and say yes, the genuine excitement they have is worth so much more.