Bexhill man discovers 'dead' sister alive

John, who now lives in Bexhill, was born in London and lived his whole life believing he was an only child and that his sister Katherine had died at birth; she was in fact alive, well and living in Canada.

His heart rending story, and that of his sister Katherine - adopted soon after she was born and given a new name of Sheila Ann - tells an emotional tale of deception and secrets which encompasses three families.

Secrets that were to lay buried for over half a century, and although many years later in 2007 there was ultimately to be a happy ending when John and Sheila were finally reunited in Canada, many questions still remain unanswered to this day.

Sheila and her Canadian husband Hugh are visiting Bexhill for a two week holiday, staying with John and his family, and they wanted to tell their story, in order to give hope to others who may also be looking for lost loved ones.

Attempting to fit together the pieces of the puzzle, and to tell their complex story in full John, now aged 67, recalls the time back in the winter of 1949 when his Mum, Myrtle Rice, who was then aged 39, was pregnant with his sister.

He explained that whilst his parents Myrtle, and Dad Eric, lived under the same roof, theirs was not a happy marriage and he rarely saw his father: "The only time we ever saw Dad for a meal was at Christmas. He'd come home at 11pm and go to work at 8am. He was never there, even on my birthdays."

John was to find out, many years later, the explanation for his fathers absences '“ Eric had been living a double life with another woman, with whom he had a long standing affair; an affair which subsequently produced three children.

John said: "I do remember another woman coming to the house to confront Mum round about the time Mum was due to have the baby, but didn't really understand what was going on. I believe she was asking for money and Mum told her to go away."

It transpires that the 'other woman' was also pregnant at the same time as his Mum and was to eventually give birth to her baby the following June.

John recalls the day back in November 1949, when he was nine years old and his Mum went into hospital to have baby Katherine: "Mum went into hospital on 3rd November 1949 and I said goodbye to her in the hall - Dad wasn't there. I was sent to live with my Aunt Ivy for two weeks. I then remember her telling me that Mum had given birth to a girl, that it had all gone well, the baby was healthy and she had been named Katherine."

But Myrtle returned home from the hospital two weeks later empty handed, telling John the baby had died. "I was surprised and sad and then about a week later I was given a dog '“ I suppose the thought behind that was that it would help compensate for the loss of my baby sister."

John describes his relationship with his Mum as being, "very close", that she was, "loving and strong" and "very possessive" of him.

He said as he grew up he never stopped mourning the loss of his sister and in the back of his mind were always unanswered questions that refused to go away about what had happened to Katherine, but he never questioned anything: "I believed what I was told and Katherine was never discussed again - it was as if she'd never existed."

Katherine had in fact been adopted by Beatrice and Edwin Cassleton who renamed her Sheila Ann and, incredibly, for the next five years, they were to live just twenty minutes from John's childhood home in East Ham, London.

Edwin, who was a London policeman, then joined the the Royal Canadian Air force and took his family to live in Canada where Sheila was to grow up.

Sheila takes up the story: "When my parents showed me my birth certificate and told me that I was adopted. I thought it was the greatest thing and I felt very special."

But, Beatrice and Edwin were unable to provide Sheila with much information about Myrtle or her biological father, or to shed any real light on why she gave up her up for adoption.

Sheila said: "They said the adoption all happened very quickly. They were very surprised because they had been told to expect a long wait for a baby to adopt, and then suddenly there was a baby available '“ me.

All they could say was that the social worker told them that Myrtle had to give me up at birth so that she could return to her family, and that my father was a war hero who was not her husband."

The truth behind the real reasons for Myrtle giving up her baby are unknown to this day and sadly for John and Sheila she took her secret to the grave when she died in 1982. Myrtle left a letter to be opened on her death which John said he'd hoped would contain the answers that both he and subsequently Sheila were looking for but unfortunately there was no reference to the baby at all.

John said: "I think the whole thing is very sad."

There is uncertainty if the rumours surrounding Myrtle's alleged affair are true, because John said he never saw another man around at all, and she remained married to Eric until his death in 1972.

John said: "I know there was a rift in Mum's family. We had been close but after she had the baby we never saw Mum's two sisters or brother again. The only contact I had with Aunt Ivy, in fact was to tell her Mum had died."

Whatever the reasons and with no one alive now who can give them the answers that both John and Sheila crave, Sheila said: "It's mind boggling."

Then, a few years ago John was hit with another major blow when one of the children from his father's affair tracked him down.

He said: "Before I got the ball rolling to search for Sheila I was contacted by a lady from Birmingham called Hilary who said she was searching for her father - Eric Alfred Rice. I thought it was a hoax at first but it turns out that Dad had been having a separate relationship from his marriage to Mum that had started before I was five years old.

I don't know how long they stayed together but I've since found out that they had two daughters and a son."

John discovered that his father's second family also lived close to his home and that as a child he had even been friends with one of the daughters called Rosemary and had no idea who she was.

He said: "I was aware that he'd been seeing another woman but when I discovered all this I was quite horrified."

Then in 2005 John made the decision to try and find some of the the answers he was looking for with regards to Katherine and, with the help and support of wife Mary began making enquiries: "Mary said we'd better see what we can find out and she began the search by calling all the cemeteries around the area of East Ham Memorial hospital '“ which no longer exists - where Katherine was born, to see if there were any gravestones or records for a Katherine Rice and also to try to trace a death certificate."

But there were no such records '“ John then struck gold when a helpful registrar traced Katherine's birth certificate.

What John read on the certificate was yet another shock, he said: "It had Katherine's name, my mother's name, a line through where the fathers name should be and on the bottom it said, 'adopted.'"

John then contacted the NORCAP agency (a charitable agency that helps adopted adults) to help track 'Katherine' down and, on June 19th 2007,

Sheila received an email from an intermediary with a message that said: "A gentleman who believes he is related to you would like to make contact."

Sheila, who also has a sister called Valerie, was very guarded at first and very respectful of her adoptive parents.

She said: "I'd often thought of trying to trace my birth mother but didn't want to betray my parents '“ I'd had a wonderful life and they were very loving."

But, she said it soon became clear that John was her brother and, after they exchanged a few emails, Sheila knew she had to broach the subject with her parents.

She said: "Mum had told me that she always lived in fear that one day Myrtle would want me back and I didn't want them to feel that I was betraying them."

But Edwin and Beatrice were delighted with the news. Sheila said: "I asked them if they would like a 67 year old son and my Dad knew right away what I meant. They were thrilled and thought it was wonderful"

John and Sheila then arranged to speak on the phone. Of that first conversation Sheila said she was "very nervous" but added, "it was actually just lovely and at the same time very sad."

A meeting was to follow in September of that year when John, Mary and their daughter Anna, 14, made the trip to Canada to meet Sheila and her family for the first time.

Sheila said it is thanks to John and Mary's perseverance that they finally got together adding: "It was just amazing when we met at the airport in Canada. I was ecstatic."

John said it was very emotional but he was thrilled: "I've got a sister that I always wanted."

Coincidentally Sheila and Hugh's 23 year old daughter Meghan is to be married in Canada on 21st August, whilst John and Mary's 22 year old son, Johnathan is to be married in Bexhill on 22nd August.

John and Sheila have one more emotional pilgrimage to make before Sheila returns to her home in Port Moody, Vancouver '“ they plan to return to the area of London where they used to live to do a circuit of the streets where John and Sheila lived, where the hospital stood and finally to the cemetery where Myrtle and Eric are buried.

They know it will be a very emotional trip for both of them '“ John said: "Talk about go back in time."