Queen Elizabeth II: How to talk to children about her death

Winston’s Wish shares advice on how you can explain this big moment to your children.

Children love to ask questions and for some this may be the first time they hear the words ‘death’ or ‘died’.

Use clear, age-appropriate language

Although it’s tempting to use terms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’, this can be confusing to children who often take things literally.

Although they feel harsh and blunt, and as adults we can shy away from them, using words like ‘dead’, ‘died’ and ‘death’ helps to create a clear definition for children.

Explain what death is using concepts they understand

This is a clear way to explain death:

When someone dies, their body has stopped working and they can’t be brought back to life. They are no longer able to do the things they could when they were alive, such as move or talk. When someone dies, their heart stops beating, they stop breathing, their brain stops thinking.

Sometimes it helps to start by talking about the concept of being alive.

You can also use examples in nature to explain death to a child, such as the difference between an insect which is alive and one which is dead.

Reassure your child

Hearing about the Queen’s death might make children worried about people around them dying. If you can, offer them reassurance but without making impossible promises.

Be honest

It’s better to be open, honest and direct when someone has died. Without clear information children tend to fill the gaps to try and make sense of what is happening. There will also be lots of information available to them elsewhere which they may start searching. This can mean that children imagine all sorts of things about a death, which are often worse than the reality.

Encourage questions and honest answers

A child may have a lot of questions about the Queen’s death, or it may prompt questions about death in general. It could be all at once or they may come back to you several hours or days later. Try to answer them honestly and if you don’t know the answer, let them know you will try to find out for them. By reassuring them that questions are ok, and you’ll do your best to answer them.

Let them know their feelings are normal

Let the child know that their feelings - anger, sadness, guilt, worry, confusion and more - are all normal reactions to hearing that someone has died.

Don’t be fearful of showing your own emotions

Children will look to adults around them to make sense of grief and try to understand how should react. It’s ok to explore feelings with children and give them permission to explore their feelings with you.

Where to get support

Winston’s Wish provides support for grieving children, young people (up to 25), and adults supporting them. Call the freephone helpline on 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday) or email [email protected]

If you need urgent support, the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for free, confidential support in a crisis – text WW to 85258.

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